Keeping a balanced allotment without spending every evening

Why the perfect plot is a fantasy

Every allotment site has one: the plot that looks as though it has been ironed. Rows dead straight, brassicas under netting, not a dandelion in sight. Then there's the rest of us, who are doing well if we remember where we sowed the parsnips.

A full ten-rod plot is roughly 250 square metres, which is a great deal of ground to keep on top of between a job, a school run and getting something resembling tea on the table. The answer isn't to work harder or to give up your evenings entirely. It is to design a plot that only really needs you two or three times a week, and to accept that a few weeds are part of the arrangement rather than a moral failure. The chap on plot 14 will still tell you your runner beans look peaky. Let him.

Plan the year around your diary, not the seed catalogue

Most new growers fail not because they can't grow things, but because everything needs attention in the same fortnight of June. Spread the load:

• Sow in small batches. A short row of beetroot every three weeks beats a ten-metre row you can't keep up with. Succession sowing gives you a steady trickle rather than a glut followed by nothing.
• Raise seedlings at home. Modules on a windowsill or in a cold frame mean you're only weeding a plant you actually want, not a patch of ground.
• Group thirsty crops together. Courgettes, tomatoes and celery all want water; put them near the butt or tap. Kale, chard, garlic and beetroot will cope further away.
• Plant perennials that look after themselves. Rhubarb, autumn-fruiting raspberries, rosemary, thyme and a bucket of mint will keep producing with almost no input.

Mulch: the nearest thing to a lie-in

If you take one thing from this article, take this. A thick mulch does more for a busy grower than any fancy tool. Spread five to eight centimetres of well-rotted manure or compost over damp soil — straight after rain is ideal — and you will smother most annual weed seedlings, hold moisture in, and feed the soil at the same time. Grass clippings work in thin layers, and leafmould is superb around soft fruit.

Cardboard underneath is the classic allotment trick for clearing rough ground: flatten it, overlap the edges, weight it with bricks, and cover with compost or woodchip. Slugs do enjoy a damp bit of cardboard, so keep an eye on young plants, but the time you save weeding is enormous. Mulched beds need watering far less often, and weeding becomes a five-minute wander rather than an afternoon's punishment.

Make peace with the weeds

You will never be weed-free, and chasing that goal is what turns an enjoyable hobby into a second job. Instead, be strategic:

• Hoe annual weeds on a dry, breezy day and let them shrivel on the surface. Do it before they set seed — one chickweed allowed to flower is next year's carpet.
• Exhaust the perennials. Couch grass, bindweed and dock need digging out or a full season under black polythene. Don't try to win in a weekend.
• Cover ground you're not using. Bare soil grows weeds; covered soil waits patiently. Cardboard and a few bricks are perfectly respectable.
• Tolerate the edges. A bit of clover in the path and a dandelion or two for the bees will not ruin your leeks.

Keep the paths mown or mulched and the beds roughly tidy, and nobody will notice the rest. Allotment politics runs on appearances, not on perfection.

Grow crops that forgive you

Some vegetables sulk if you miss a week; others carry on regardless. If time is tight, lean towards leeks, kale, chard, purple sprouting broccoli, broad beans, garlic, maincrop potatoes, beetroot and courgettes — bearing in mind that a neglected courgette becomes a marrow the size of a toddler. Autumn raspberries and rhubarb are almost unkillable.

Leave celery, cauliflower, celeriac and aubergines to the retired gentlemen with greenhouses and endless patience. There is no shame in growing what suits your life.

Ten minutes with a mug of tea

The plots that look after themselves are usually the ones visited little and often. A daily ten minutes pulling the odd weed beats a four-hour Saturday marathon you start dreading by Thursday. Keep a bucket with gloves, a trowel and a hoe by the shed door so there's no excuse, and take a flask.

Water deeply twice a week rather than giving everything a daily sprinkle — roots go down, plants toughen up, and you save hours. And if the family comes along, give them a job worth doing: picking peas, filling the water butt, hunting slugs. If they'd rather not, that's fine too. An allotment is allowed to be your quiet hour.

Come October, plant garlic and overwintering broad beans, spread another layer of mulch, and let the plot get on with it. You'll start spring ahead, with a back that doesn't ache and a freezer full of something to show for it.